The Witch of Nothing 149

Episode 149 of 'The Witch of Nothing'.
This brings to mind certain proverbs, such as 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend.'
Another adage that might apply is 'Spiders of a feather flock together', which corresponds to the Chinese proverb: 'Things of the same characteristics congregate together'.
For anyone interested, the Mandarin version can be found here, on the Chinese tools site.
The Chinese refer back to the English variant 'Birds of a feather flock together' rather than the more popular 'Spiders of a feather flock together' when comparing the two sayings.
I've tested this ancient formula on chocolate bars to see if there's any truth in it, but, sad to say, it didn't work. I set out a bar of Lindt 85% dark on my desk before retiring for the night, however I discovered in the morning that no chocolate bars had flocked to it.
I suppose this proves that chocolate bars are solitary predators who shun their colleagues.
So there you have it.
Until tomorrow, my Spider Club friends.

The Witch of Nothing 148

Episode 148 of 'The Witch of Nothing'.
I've always wondered about the 'Watch for Falling Rock' signs you see sometimes while you're out for a pleasant little drive across the country.
You don't find many of them on the prairies, of course, unless the bloke in charge of the signs was paranoid, but they do spring up in mountain country.
It seems to me that by the time you've observed a flock of falling rocks, you're already doomed; you might as well just settle back and wait for an improbability drive to kick in and rescue you.
Some people with particularly keen eyesight might be able to see falling rocks through the car roof, thereby gaining enough time to accelerate and smash into the line of cars in the traffic jam ahead, but this kind of power is rarer than you might think.
So be respectful when you drive through the mountains; don't litter, don't start fires, and don't wake them up.

The Witch of Nothing 147

Episode 147 of 'The Witch of Nothing'.
Although some people will dispute this, dwarves in folktales and literature have very little in common with dwarf stars.
A dwarf star is about the size of our planet, yet has approximately as much mass as our sun. This makes it denser than most other things in the universe, except for angry radio talk show hosts, and Black Hole Chocolate, which has walnuts and an event horizon.
Dwarfs, or dwarves (It depends on which branch of the Church of Etymology you follow), don't have walnuts in them, unless they've been eating lunch, although they are sometimes quite dense.
Lighter, or Undense dwarfs, are the ones who try to sell the mine BEFORE the gold seam runs out.
Scholars occasionally say that dwarves and dwarf stars are alike because they are both pale, but this is nonsense. Nobody can tell what hue a dwarf is, because their beards entirely cover their faces, and everything else is either swaddled in baggy medieval work clothes, or covered with grime.
Besides, a dwarf star isn't pale; it's white hot, like an enraged actress blocked from a camera. Eventually, the star cools and becomes a black mass of carbon.
This, of course, is known as a black dwarf.
Black dwarves are elusive and ancient; in fact, they take so long to become what they are, they might not even exist.
Time flies when you're having fun.

The Witch of Nothing 146

Episode 146 of 'The Witch of Nothing'.
The Earth is not indestructible.
If you bounce an asteroid off it, or scorch it with a celestial flame thrower, or press the 'Do Not Press This Button!' button, the planet is done for.
But the worst thing you can do to a planet like Earth, or to any planet, is to introduce it to a busload of humans.
Once you insert humans into a planet's ecosystem, it's doomed.
In no time at all, humans will have invented reality TV, drive-in wedding chapels, and elevator music.
Doomed, I tell you! Doomed!

Remembrance Day

Remembrance.

The Witch of Nothing 145

Episode 145 of 'The Witch of Nothing'.
Elevators were developed quite early in human society to lift materials used in the construction of defensive walls, towers, and monuments.
Unfortunately, if there are any instances of elevator use before the advent of villages and towns, the records are lost to us. The stone-age human who first used an elevator to lift a mastodon to his cave will forever remain anonymous.
Early elevator operators employed animal or human power to get to the desired floor. There were no large spiders available for this work, so the usual assortment of beasts of burden was pressed into service.
With the development of steam power in the nineteenth century, elevators became even more useful, and reliable.
There was, however, a serious downside to the typical elevator, until an ingenious American, Elisha Otis, saved the day.
The downside was the tendency of elevator cables to break at inconvenient times, forcing many people to learn about gravitational attraction the hard way.
Mr. Otis invented a safety brake that would stop the elevator from plunging to earth when a cable broke.
Once people realized there was a good chance they might survive an elevator ride, they rode the contraptions in increasing numbers. In fact, they were quite happy to ride them, until the invention of elevator music.
But that's another story.

The Witch of Nothing 144

Episode 144 of 'The Witch of Nothing'.
Don't panic; it's only Monday. It can't hurt us.
You can see where this sort of thinking gets you.
It's even worse than "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."
There's nothing wrong with panicking.
It helps the environment.